Why blog

A friend and I were out to dinner on Friday. She has the opportunity to start blogging with a group of like minded individuals, around alternative healing.

I told her I blog, she said, “why? If you already journal, why do you feel the need?”

I had been thinking about it a lot this weekend. I feel the need to put my feelings, out. Just out.

More than sitting in a journal. I feel it is liberating and freeing. I can state what I want, and not have to worry about being judged. I do like the feed back, but you don’t have that judgmental quality, as if you shared with a friend or family. And really I don’t want any ones advice. Just some feed back.

I guess people do it for many different reasons. I would like to know yours.

This week

Still in the holding pattern at work.

Funny though, one of my past blogs was about the monsters in my past, and just this week I put my resume out on “monsters.com” because I need to move on.

Funny how that was a clue for me.

As in Grace’s blog, seems clues are just about every place and you just don’t know where they will pop up. As for me they have to practically hit me on the head. I am very hesitant to make change. I want everything to stay steady, and calm. HaHa. That never ever happens. Yet I am a waiter, unless the universe pushes me. It was that way my marriage ended, and that way when my new relationship started. Pushed from the universe, and all for the better.

More on that to come.

Early

I lived in South Jersey for the first 4 years of my life

 

I remember the farms. Miles and miles of non-ending fields. 

We lived in a small city, and my Grand Mother lived very close by, she was at our house everyday helping my mother with all the chores of our home.

We lived in a row house. Which had a walk down basement. My Dad ran a hobby shop. (But mostly my Mother did, because my Dad was at work.)

 

 I remember being so scared of getting down to the basement. You had to go down these old board steps, and run past a huge monster of a heating system. I was sure it was full of scary monsters trying to grab at me as I ran by. (In the Movie Home Alone, the scene when he goes to to basement to do some laundry – that was me.)

When my Dad worked in his hobby shop, I would brave the passing of the monster heating system to visit him as he worked. This was the one time he was happy to talk to you about his stuff. I liked sitting there and watching him work on the little details of the model trains he use to repair.

 

I remember my youngest sister being brought home from the hospital. My brother and I had the chicken pox, and so when my father brought her into the house, my brother and I were shut out. I remember the old sliding pocket doors of the living room being closed in my face. I wanted to so much to get a look at that baby.

But I though having the chicken pox was fun. I didn’t feel sick and my brother had them too, so we were kind of isolated together, and got special attention.

Family

A child from a family of  9. Third from the last. (Of course a good Catholice family)

Really I feel like my family was two different parts. My older siblings who I watched grow up in the 60s with much distress to my parents. And the bottom 4.

We had it much easier. But only in that my parents were tired. Well maybe not easier,  they just let us slide, do what ever you need to get out of the house. They didn’t really want you there any longer than you had to be.

Granted I didn’t get kicked out like my younger brother and sister at the end.  But the parental guidance was scant. Not that I blame either of my parents.

I have two kids, and I can only imagine what it would be like to try to get that many raised.

 

My oldest sister died when I was 5 months old. I sometimes think that is why I have a melancholy spirit at times. I know there was a lot of grief during my very early years.

 

Follow up

Just a follow up on my previous post.

 

I have been away from my ex since Oct. 2000. The divorce was final June of 2002. I am tugging through the courts, to get him to be accountable.

 In fall of 2004 I filed my 1st motion for the college money. Up until then he was just paying the child support. I filed the motion on my own, and won. Then the judge moved the case my new county, because I sold the house in Sussex County and moved to Somerset county.

 The ex did not pay any of the money on that 1st order.  I now had to file a 2nd motion to get the 1st motion enforced.  Just before I filed the 2nd motion, (to get the 1st motion enforced) he stopped paying child support so the Child Probation department sent an order to his company to enforce the payments from the company.

I filed my 2nd motion, (Fall 2005) to get the new judge to enforce the 1st motion. (For college.) The judge in the new county: Somerset did not like the way I filed; I did not follow all of her process correctly. At this point the legal ease had become more that I could handle.

I hired a lawyer. He sent the 3rd motion her per the judges request. (Seems I had made a few legal errors, in this new court system.) This 3rd motion was filed in Sept 06.

In the mean time. My ex. Stopped paying child support, he had lost his job. But now that he resides in NY, NJ probation now has to get an order into the NY Probation to see: 1. If they can find out where he is working. (He will not reply to there mail or phone calls.) 2. Get his new employer an order to garnish his pay for child support.

More to come…